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Is it bad to want to know less?

Am I really just delaying grief?

As the nurse brought in my breakfast at 7:30 a.m., I realized I hadn’t left my hospital bed in a week: I had officially taken up residence on a 36 x

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m following New York Times updates regarding the horrific killing 1 of Alex Pretti by a group of ICE agents. Two weeks ago, we watched as videos came out showing the…

In flipping through an old notebook the other day, I found a chicken scratch across a page: I'm not sure when or why I wrote it, but like most serendipitous things in life, I rediscovered it at…

(and other lies I've believed)

I would have canceled the appointment but I have extreme guilt about canceling on doctors last minute. It had been feeling progressively better over the past 72 hours and I'm aware that my health…

(Hint: it's what it took to get here)

“What do you want?” my boyfriend asked me the other day. “Uhhh for dinner?” I responded, not quite sure what to make of the question so naturally I went for the low-hanging fruit (which is not…

I sat cross-legged in the corner of the large sectional couch, eyes darting around to the six other women who sat in a circle in the living room with me. "I mean, that's why I'm here before I go to…"

For better or worse, the past decade plus of my life has been measure in racing seasons. 2024 was the first year since I ran my first race in 2011 that I haven’t gotten to a start line, let alone a…

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” I admitted to my physical therapist the other day, “but I wish this was a stress fracture. I’d give anything for this to be a stress fracture. Give me crutches, a…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how multiple things can be true at once: how many things are actually “ands” instead of “buts”. I can want to fight like hell to keep getting to start lines, and…

“We won’t need to file Schedule C anymore after this year,” I told my accountant this winter, “I’m no longer getting any sponsor money.” “Oh, Amelia - I’m sorry!” she replied, with that mildly…

I walked into a completely empty apartment in Golden, Colorado. Empty, except for a full-length freestanding mirror propped up in the master bedroom closet. I've avoided mirrors most of my life.…

In June 2000, six months after being discharged from the pediatric ward at Emanuel Hospital, my treatment team officially declared me recovered, complete with a paper certificate (I kid you not). At…

This past week, I was bopping along on a weekday run down my familiar dirt path, jamming out to the best of Sunny Day Real Estate (hello teenage emo years!) and a realization suddenly dawned on me:…

I fought back tears and growing panic as I said to my therapist, “ok so I know it’s a super low risk but my fear is that I will be one of those few people who gets that rare side effect and it will…

The other day, my dental hygienist made small talk as she cleaned my teeth: “so, do you have any kids?” “Nope,” I sputtered through a mouthful of dental instruments, and quickly changed the subject…

And other things I've found to be all wrong about bone injuries

A week after my stress fracture diagnosis, I crutched around Leadville 100, putting on a brave face (ok, failing but trying). Many wonderful people came up to me and said something along the lines of…

My dad's 40th birthday is emblazoned into my brain: the black decorations, the cake napkins that read "over the hill," the tombstone cake topper, the constant jokes that he was officially old. To an…

An hour after I arrived at the residential treatment facility in Carlsbad, I asked a staff member where the restroom was. “I have to go with you,” she said. As I started to enter the daisy yellow…

The other week I started writing about the feelings that came with my most recent stress fracture. As with any injury, my mind replayed all the reasons, all the decisions, everything that I could…

In February of this past year, I had a moment of panic. I was 37, recently single, and facing down the realization that if I wanted kids, my window may be passing. I wrote an entire piece for Outside…

In a journal entry from December 2018, I asked myself: “Can I be an athlete AND be in recovery from an eating disorder?” The rest of the page was blank. I didn’t have an answer. And not having the…

It’s been a year since I was discharged from Opal Food and Body after entering intensive eating disorder treatment for my third and hopefully last time. A year since I hit publish on a blog where I…

As I chatted with a friend on FaceTime the other week, I made the joke: “I dunno…maybe the silver lining of this pandemic is it will cure me of my e

When I was 6 years old, if I couldn’t get to sleep by 7:30pm, I would start crying hysterically. I was convinced I was going to die if I couldn’t fa

On paper, 2019 probably looks like a rough year for me. Fractured calcaneus two weeks before the Barkley Marathons (making that four stress fracture

Running Big’s Backyard Ultra was a gamble for me: it’s not exactly an easy race to return to as my first ultra in over a year since injury, undergoi

I was a colicky baby. A temperamental child. I was prone to tantrums, and expressed myself violently through a wide range of emotions. I felt, and I

September is a month that brings up a lot of feelings for me. It’s the start of the championship season for obstacle racing, with Spartan Race World Championships kicking it off.  It’s a month for me…

(Content warning: This post contains my thoughts and feelings around my body and pictures of me. There are no numbers, behaviors, or weights.) In ea

In March, after sustaining my fourth stress fracture in the past three years, I wrote that it was time to take a step back and re-evaluate – to stop

When I first started swimming, I couldn’t understand why it was so hard. I knew there were probably a million reasons for it (my last swimming lesso

Several months ago, I had a long conversation with one of my best friends from law school. “Amelia,” she said, “You are really good at holding on to

My training log entry the day before the 2018 Barkley Marathons read: “Once that cigarette is lit, I’m going to race my little brains out. Give it all my all, and give it hell.” I’ve never been one…

Several months ago, I promised that I would share my return to running logs for those interested, not thinking that anyone would actually want to se

I’ve talked a lot how I do a lot of my runs to a single song on repeat – past favorites include everything from Smashing Pumpkin’s “Tonight Tonight”

Someone once asked me what I thought was the one marker of a successful person: I answered with “the ability to pivot.” To adapt on the fly, to cast

While it’s not something I’m exactly proud of, if there’s one thing I’ve become well-versed in this past year and a half, it’s been dealing with inj

I feared my return to racing, and I faced that fear. I feared not being the athlete that I once was, and I’ve wrestled with my struggle to live up t

Fear. I’ve spent the better part of the past year advocating embracing fear – running towards fear, instead of running away from it. That (to butche

On April 26th of this year, a few days after the whole “broken femur” thing started, I picked up a copy of Cheryl Strayed’s book “Brave Enough.” I f

It has been almost two months since I received the ok to cast the crutches to the curb.Two months since I re-entered the world of bipedalism after t

For anyone who has ever signed up for a race via Ultra Signup, you are probably familiar with the most dreaded of features – a listing that displays

It’s been 6 weeks since that fateful run where lightning bolts shot down my leg. When the initial MRI was taken, and my sentence was given (12 weeks

Yesterday, I decided to clean out the trunk of my car. It’s long overdue. As I surveyed the contents, I took notes (and yes, I realize this is disgusting): 9 pairs of trail shoes. 3 pairs of road…

There are times in life when you feel like everything is FINALLY coming together, like life is finally making sense. And you are happy. Really, trul

In November, I made a really bonehead move. After securing a Western States lottery ball with my Georgia Death Race (and first ultra) finish last sp

Is this the real life? I found myself asking that question several times throughout 2015. Ok, maybe on an (almost) daily basis. (And then it’d be fo

For the fifth year, we came. We ran. We crawled. We swam. We jumped. We climbed. We laughed. We cried. We triumphed. Over these past five WTM’s, the

Obstacle racing has been fantastic. But last fall (fresh off of knee surgery), I was looking for something different. A new challenge, a new venture. Having made a brief foray into competitive…

Before I begin, let me preface that I am not a medical professional and hold no qualifications or certifications (even meaningless ones where you pa

There are times in life when things just feel right. When you know you are where you are supposed to be. And as soon as I pulled up to the site of W

The typical interview question will go something like this: “So why do you think you are successful in obstacle racing?” Might as well look good doing it It’s a question that has given me pause, and…

It’s been a hibernation kind of winter here in Chicago. And for most of it, I’ve buried my head in the sand. Thrown myself into work (lawyering like

I hate it when cliches are true: one moment, you feel like you are on top of the world, and the next – things coming crashing down. And you sit and

If there is one thing I learned from the Reebok Spartan Race World Championships this past weekend, it’s that you can EASILY get rope burn through c

At my grandma’s 90th birthday party following the Pacific Northwest Spartan Sprint, I found myself in a conversation with a family friend, who I had

*for me. (like I would proclaim universal truths. pshaw) (1) The Death Race isn’t fair Andy and Joe should really keep a running tally of the number of times racers complain “but this isn’t FAIR.”…

Participants registered: 390 Participants that started the race: 206 Finishers: 41 Finishers that received all 8 chips as of 6am Monday morning (“fi

World’s Toughest Mudder registration went live two weeks ago, and judging from the Facebook and social media reaction, you would have thought TMHQ h

As I passed a group of guys at the sandbag carry during the Indiana Spartan Sprint this past weekend, I heard “Are you kidding? She’s passing us. A

During P.E. class in fifth grade, we timed our 100m dash in the parking lot of good ol’ Palisades School. I finished last in my class of 30. Dead la

A conversation that happened with a couple in my apartment building the other day: Man: “Excuse me, but I have to ask, are you a trainer? My wife an

Two years ago, the letters “DNF” meant nothing to me. Nor did the letters “DNS.” Despite running some road races, I’d never really heard the terms thrown around. I’d never known the stigma attached…

The racing season hasn’t exactly started off with a bang. After missing the Spartan SoCal due to weather and air traffic control (thanks Philly!), I

So the world didn’t end today, though judging by the looks of the weather outside here in Chicago, it may still choose to do so. I guess that means

You all can blame WTM 2011 for me entering into the blogosphere. It’s because of that race that you feel obliged to read my unimportant and trivial

No, not like booze hangover. I wish. Back to work, back to the grind, and thanking the higher powers I’m a desk jockey. Sitting is the only thing th

It’s that time of year again. The time when I dig out my boxed up hats, gloves, snow boots, and full-length down coat. The time when I mournfully pu

The second ever World’s Toughest Mudder is rapidly approaching on November 17th. It’s not technically a perfect one-year anniversary, since TMHQ moved the race up a month this year, but on that day,…

It’s “Active Recovery Week” here at my Crossfit box, and I am irrationally angry about it. All I want to do is throw heavy shit around. I wake up cr

The winners have been declared, the legs have become mobil-ish again, and the bruises and scrapes have begun to heal. And all I can think is “Woo, l

As I sit in an Epsom salt bath, the random musings of a brain on overdrive: Grape Pedialyte is the bomb. Ironic that this is my first “real” Spartan

I’m not big on anniversaries. They always seem to forced, so artificial, to me. Then again, I’m also a sentimental person. I enjoy milestones. I enj

A funny thing happened over the past few weeks. I’ve had post after post started concerning the Death Race, yet I couldn’t finish any of them. There

As we began the 6hr drive back to Philly from Vermont, I broke out my legal pad and a pen and began to list all the tasks we completed in the 2012 D

Total time to finish: 60 hours, 23 minutes Place: 2nd female Total approximate distance covered: 50-70 miles (depending on who you talk to) Clif bar

When I signed up for the Death Race back in December, I remember talking to a previous Death Race finisher and asking about the race. “What is it?”

When you take three of my current obsessions (Crossfit, obstacles, and hills) and roll them up into one race, I may start foaming at the mouth out o

I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out practical uses for my shiny new KA-Bar,* spoils of being crowned “Top Team” at S.E.R.E. Chicago th

My body hates me. There isn’t a day where I’m not nursing some type of sore muscle, blister, injury, or rash of some sort (yum). If you know me, you

I posed the question this past weekend: “Which is harder to describe, the Death Race or a GoRuck Challenge?” Obviously, to the average person, both

Post-Winter Death Race, I’ve received tons of questions about the race, my experience, and life in general. I do not claim any special DR knowledge–

A stump almost broke me. I was finished chopping my wood and stacking it, except for this bastard of a stump about 3 feet in diameter, knotted to he

T-minus one week til Winter Death Race. And I feel like I’m missing something. It’s this weird nagging feeling, that something isn’t exactly right.

The Winter Death Race is three weeks away. I have never swung an axe. Now would be about the time to panic, no? There is one thing, and only one thi

[Fair warning: this post may be full of typos and grammatical errors. I’m tired. I’m freakin’ tired. 15+ hour work days, pre- and post-S.E.R.E., hav

If you looked up the definition of “creature of habit,” I would be highly surprised if there wasn’t a picture of me sitting there. My alarm goes off

To the consenting [willing], no injury is done. In the law, the Latin maxim of “volenti non fit injuria” is typically used as a defense in a tort ac

A tangential conversation that took place between my girlfriend and I a few weeks before WTM: GF: “So how are you getting out there?” Me: “We’re dri

I live in the middle of a concrete jungle. Picture downtown Chicago, and insert me right there. I live on the 15th floor of a 24-story condo buildin

(1) Thou shall respect the power of neoprene All stripping down was done separately While there were many different types of crazy at WTM, it quickly became apparent that many people underestimated…